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Encountering refusal, notably when it recurs often, is far from pleasant. Someone is saying no, delivering a definite “Nope.” As a writer, I am no stranger to rejection. I started submitting manuscripts five decades ago, upon finishing university. Since then, I have had two novels rejected, along with nonfiction proposals and numerous short stories. During the recent two decades, concentrating on op-eds, the rejections have multiplied. Regularly, I get a rejection multiple times weekly—amounting to in excess of 100 times a year. In total, denials throughout my life run into thousands. Today, I could claim a advanced degree in handling no’s.

So, does this seem like a self-pitying rant? Not at all. Because, finally, at 73 years old, I have embraced being turned down.

In What Way Have I Accomplished This?

A bit of background: By this stage, nearly everyone and their relatives has rejected me. I’ve never kept score my win-lose ratio—doing so would be deeply dispiriting.

For example: not long ago, a publication nixed 20 submissions one after another before approving one. A few years ago, over 50 publishing houses vetoed my memoir proposal before someone accepted it. A few years later, 25 agents rejected a nonfiction book proposal. One editor even asked that I submit potential guest essays less often.

My Steps of Rejection

In my 20s, each denial hurt. I took them personally. It was not just my creation being rejected, but myself.

Right after a piece was turned down, I would start the process of setback:

• Initially, disbelief. Why did this occur? Why would they be overlook my skill?
• Next, refusal to accept. Surely they rejected the incorrect submission? Perhaps it’s an administrative error.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What do they know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my work? They’re foolish and your publication is subpar. I deny your no.
• After that, irritation at those who rejected me, then frustration with me. Why would I subject myself to this? Am I a martyr?
• Subsequently, bargaining (preferably accompanied by false hope). How can I convince you to acknowledge me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, sadness. I’m no good. Additionally, I can never become accomplished.

I experienced this over many years.

Excellent Precedents

Certainly, I was in fine company. Accounts of authors whose work was originally turned down are numerous. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Nearly each renowned author was first rejected. Because they managed to overcome rejection, then maybe I could, too. The basketball legend was cut from his school team. Most American leaders over the recent history had previously lost campaigns. The filmmaker estimates that his Rocky screenplay and attempt to star were turned down 1,500 times. For him, denial as an alarm to rouse me and persevere, instead of giving up,” he stated.

Acceptance

Later, when I entered my senior age, I achieved the final phase of setback. Peace. Today, I grasp the many reasons why someone says no. To begin with, an reviewer may have recently run a comparable article, or be planning one in progress, or be contemplating something along the same lines for a different writer.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my idea is of limited interest. Or the reader thinks I lack the credentials or standing to fit the bill. Perhaps isn’t in the business for the wares I am submitting. Or was too distracted and read my piece hastily to recognize its value.

You can call it an epiphany. Anything can be rejected, and for whatever cause, and there is virtually not much you can do about it. Some rationales for rejection are forever beyond your control.

Within Control

Others are under your control. Honestly, my ideas and work may occasionally be flawed. They may lack relevance and resonance, or the idea I am struggling to articulate is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Or something about my grammar, especially commas, was unacceptable.

The essence is that, regardless of all my decades of effort and rejection, I have managed to get recognized. I’ve authored multiple works—the initial one when I was in my fifties, my second, a memoir, at retirement age—and in excess of 1,000 articles. These works have featured in publications large and small, in local, national and global platforms. My debut commentary ran when I was 26—and I have now written to various outlets for five decades.

Yet, no major hits, no signings at major stores, no features on talk shows, no speeches, no book awards, no Pulitzers, no international recognition, and no Presidential Medal. But I can better take no at this stage, because my, small successes have eased the blows of my many rejections. I can now be philosophical about it all at this point.

Instructive Rejection

Denial can be educational, but only if you heed what it’s trying to teach. If not, you will almost certainly just keep taking rejection all wrong. What lessons have I gained?

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